Over Spring Break, I traveled to the inhospitable nation of Florida. I ended up liking my stay so much that I decided to take it over. 

After all, Spain did it, why can’t I?

My first goal was to fight an alligator. I searched all the local bodies of water, not letting a single puddle go unsearched. 

I even tried to lure out the alligator with alligator snacks, such as my hands and fingers (I’m willing to make sacrifices to get what I want).

The gators ultimately didn’t come out. I think they may have social anxiety. After surveying the pond for many hours and failing to lure out any gators, I realized my presence must have intimidated the gators so much that they immediately fled. 

I had already defeated the alligators and was ready for my next target: Old people. 

Florida has been overrun with old people for far too long. Old people are ruining this country. They think everything is about themselves, when it’s clearly not, it’s always all about ME. Luckily, I don’t have to do anything but wait and let old age take its toll. 

My next target was the Florida Government. 

I’m a pretty chill guy so instead of planning a political assassination. Instead, I mailed Governor DeSantis a friendly, yet firm letter (via Discord) to let him know that his leadership is no longer necessary. He now gets to go on a forever vacation to the farm upstate and hand over the state of Florida into my incredibly capable hands. 

Finally, I planned to conquer Florida’s awful humidity by reversing global warming to the point of an ice age. 

Ultimately, my plan didn’t work out due to Florida being the closest thing we have to hell on Earth, and it won’t freeze until hell does too.

Spain can have it back or whoever is in charge of that place. 

Throughout this journey, I’ve learned to be grateful for what I have. As the King of England, I have enough to deal with as is. Instead of neglecting two nations, I’ll focus on neglecting the one I already have.