Recently during class I got bored and decided to take an online course and become a wedding officiator. But my efforts to capitalize on my new online certificate haven’t worked out due to my client base being limited to the people I know. Which tends to skew below the legal age you can get married.  

Unfortunately, only 16 states (including Virginia) have outlawed child marriage, meaning my main client base is off the marriage market. Please, everyone, do something to fix this NOW! 

Here is my Credentials of Ministry. I sacrificed all my personal information for it:

I am gatekeeping the site that gave me it. Sorry, I need to monopolize the marriage market.

Once we legalize teen marriage here in Virginia, if any of you are planning on getting married, I’m your guy. I do shotgun weddings, dog weddings, and just about any type of wedding you can think of! I offer judgement-free services that will marry you and whatever you want!

The cost of my services ranges based on time, date, likability of the person getting married, and how I’m feeling that day. So anywhere from free to a couple thousand dollars or Zimbabwe dollars if you have any. Gay marriages will cost way less because it’s Pride Month and because I like gay people more.

Technically, I still need to pay $45 to be able to legally officiate anything, so if any of you want to contribute to my GoFundMe, it would be very much appreciated. 

Some people may describe marriage as beautiful or sanctus, or a serious lifetime commitment. But what it really is, is just something everyone should do now and give me money for.