Dear Simone Says,

I need some advice about a guy named Noel. We met in 2023 on a youth-group trip while he was dating my friend, so I didn’t think much of him at first. But a year later, on another trip, we got to know each other and clicked right away; we even kept in touch after the trip. Then our relationship got complicated because whenever he had a girlfriend, he would still act as more than a friend. He’d say things he shouldn’t, and it made me feel guilty. I tried to set boundaries, but he never changed, so I stopped talking to him. 

This cycle happened more than once. We got even closer on a trip to Rome, but afterwards, he’d become distant online and acted normal the next day, as if nothing had happened. When I brought it up, nothing changed. I finally got tired of trying, so now I only reply when he texts. Nothing is really solved, and honestly, I wish he had never admitted he liked me because that’s when everything fell apart. If I could tell him one thing, it would be to grow up and get your act right.

Sincerely,

A Girl in Despair 

Dear Girl in Despair, 

It sounds like you’ve been stuck on a rollercoaster ride with Noel for quite some time. From what you have shared with me, he’s been inconsistent in all of his relationships and especially with how he treats you, which isn’t fair to you. When someone tells you they like you, but they stay with other people or only put in the effort when it benefits them, that is not a sign of commitment; that is a sign that they are not ready to treat anyone, including you, the way that they should. 

You’ve already shown that you can place boundaries and stop talking to him, but then you stalk his bio and hit him up again. That is not healthy, and it can make it harder for you to stick to your perfectly healthy and comfortable boundaries in the future. Noel is walking all over you because you’re not seeing your full potential. You could be missing out on a ton of opportunities simply because you keep running back to the same guy. My recommendation is for you to move on and treat yourself with the respect you deserve.

Yours Truly,

Simone Says