Dear Simone Says,

Over the summer, I built a nuclear reactor so that my students next school year would be able to build one for my project. The family next door isn’t interested in atomic physics. One of them called the FBI on me because they hate science. How do I deal with this? I would prefer a non-lethal outcome, but I’m pretty flexible. 

And by the way, I flushed plutonium down the school toilet by mistake, so if you see one of the toilets start to glow, you probably shouldn’t use it.

Yours truly, 

Dr. Doofenshmirtz

Dear Dr. Doofenshmirtz,

This is a lot to take in. First of all, hats off to your commitment to hands-on learning! While most teachers spend their summer prepping worksheets, you went full Oppenheimer in the garage. I bet your syllabus now includes “Bring your own lead apron.” 

As for the family next door calling the FBI, try not to take it too personally; they might just not be used to having a nuclear reactor pop up next door. If any agents do come by, keep calm, offer them some non-radioactive lemonade, and flash your friendliest smile. 

About the plutonium-flushed toilet: on the bright side, the janitors will finally have a reason to wear those hazmat suits they bought on eBay. Just hang a sign that says “CAUTION: May cause superpowers or instant regret.” I hope the school’s plumbing has good insurance.

With atomic best wishes, 

Simone Says