He is survived by colleagues Ashley Ladner, Ian Darragh, Byron Schwind, Robert Summers, Cole Forbes, and others, in addition to his wife and firstborn son.
On Friday, May 2nd, the Class of 2025 held a memorial service for one Timothy Scanlon, who taught the 12th grade U.S. Government class at the Arlington Career Center. Organized by Andreas Chrysanthou, inspired by Julian Eichers, and assisted by Sheel Shah, Trostin Geles, et. al, the service was approximately 6 minutes long. It included a brief but heartfelt message by Andreas, who then opened the floor for speeches. Sheel, Julian, Akshay Kuchibhatla, William Freericks, Jason Spitzak, Anar Khuderchuluun, and Ian Birkam all spoke in celebration and remembrance of their beloved teacher. Video recording by Shangwen Cheng, transcript by Anna Litwiller.
Link to video: Scanlon’s Funeral
TRANSCRIPT:
*saluting horns play in the background*
Andreas: [Welcome] to Mr. Scanlon’s funeral, we will be starting ceremonies shortly. It is available to speak for anyone. Today we are mourning Mr. Scanlon, our government teacher. He is leaving us today, it’s a very sad day, there’ll be lots of tears shed—
*laughter as Ms. Ladner exits her room*
Andreas: —but the community will keep us together. This is a great moment, and we will all make it through this. Now I will open the floor for anyone if they want to speak. Go ahead Sheel.
Sheel: Alright, I’m sorry, I’m going to need a moment. I’m…
Andreas *offscreen*: Can we please calm the laughter, this is a serious moment.
Sheel: Mr. Scanlon, or, as I liked to call him, Skibidi Scantron, the-the man who looked like JD Vance. The man who killed the Pope. You see, Mr. Scanlon was an amazing teacher and he will live on in our memory. Thank you.
*applause*
Andreas: HE’S HERE! *points to Scanlon watching his funeral* HE LIVES!
*continued applause*
Julian: I’m so sorry for the loss of Mr. Scanlon. My favorite teacher, whose class I famously attended every day. Um… I’m so so crushed. I don’t know what’s going to happen. Um… I don’t have words.
*applause*
Akshay: In our discussions, he was the perfect example because he was perfectly neutral. It can be said that he had no force, no will, only judgement. *off-screen “amen, amen”* You could say he really measured up as a teacher *unfurls tape measure*
*applause*
William: I remember—I remember how Mr. Scanlon changed my life. He introduced me to the red40 raw milk carnivore diet. It’s never been the same after that. Never.
*laughter and applause*
William: And let me just add, that today should not be a sad day. Because we should all be like Mr Scanlon and take control of our lives and be happy. It’s a day of celebration!
*applause*
Jason: Before he died, Mr. Scanlon wanted some words spoken. I am told they are very inspirational. Federalist Number 78: We proceed now to an examination of the judiciary department of the proposed government. It unfolded— Never mind this is boring as hell. Sorry.
*laughter and applause*
Sheel: Are there any other speakers at this time?
Julian: Go together! Go together!
Unidentifiable voice: Fight! Fight! Fight!
*Anar (Suit) and Ian (T-Shirt) choose to give joint remarks*
Anar: We both knew Scanlon very well. It’s almost like he’s still here, in our hearts.
Ian: He was a chill guy. That’s all.
Andreas: AMEN! AMEN!
Anar: I swear [unintelligible].
*applause and hugs*
Andreas: We’re strong! We’re strong!
*State Farm ad replaces music*
Sheel: Guys… I don’t have YouTube Premium…
*I Want It That Way by The Backstreet Boys begins to play*
Akshay: We will now bring out the body for viewing!
*laughter as Scanlon’s “corpse” is ushered on stage*
*thunderous applause from the audience*
Scanlon: So no one has spoken at their own funeral before until now… but I’m sure if Mr. Scanlon was with us today um… he would very much appreciate this—this warm, um, show of remembrance of his life. And I’m sure he is––he is looking down on us, um…from wherever he may be with happiness, with happiness and with no tears in his eyes. So thank you all for your support of Mr. Scanlon, um… and we will continue with the Backstreet Boys.
*I Want It That Way resumes*
Trostin: He may be gone, but he will not be forgotten!
*everyone begins singing along to I Want It That Way as dancing begins*
Sheel: Are we putting this on the Chronicle?
Shangwen: I don’t know, I’ll ask Alice.
Julian: This is way more impressive than I’d thought it would be.
